This was a big one. You’re now closer to 11 months than you are 10, but I still find it important to document this month.
Perhaps most significantly this winter season, you enjoyed your first Christmas. I dressed you up in an old dress of mine, and we visited Santa at Cabela’s. I laughed at the sight of us–all dressed up going into a store catering to hunters and other outdoors men. Shockingly you didn’t cry at first when I placed you in his arms–I think you were perplexed. But then the wails came forth and I snatched you up and we played with some display toys and promptly went home. A relative success as far as I’m concerned.
Christmas was a day like most others which felt a little wrong. But really what sets a holiday apart from other days spent all together but exceptionally good food and drink? We ate dinner together by candlelight two times; Christmas Eve we had homemade pizzas with a gluten free dough I wanted to try, and Christmas Day we had roast duck with potatoes roasted in the drippings. On Christmas morning you slept a little later than normal because of our long, leisurely meal the night before, so I had your dad get my homemade cinnamon rolls going early. I gave you a little bit of one for breakfast and you scarfed it right down. We each opened our presents. Your favorite was probably the box of my new waffle maker (among other less domestic gifts, let it be known), which you later used as a support to stand! We were so proud. All told, a fun and festive day– aside from when you took a major tumble off the bed, but you’re OK (even if that’s something I won’t soon forget).
Then came the first days of 2020, a fresh new decade for us all. We visited the Fox family at their beautiful home in the forest for an early celebration. Their Alice is one of your buddies, only a few weeks younger, and it’s so sweet to see you play together–well, alongside one another, but nevertheless. I love that you have so many little friends your age.
10 months and your personality is shining through–strong, smart, brave, happy, intense, attached, you. You crawl like a madwoman all over the house, toy in hand, and get into everything. Then you look around to see where I am, catch my eye, and your whole face softens into the biggest grin. This is you in a nutshell. You have big feelings for such a little person and I try my best to help you through them. We’re connected on an incredible level, perhaps to much so to some but it’s right for us.
I love being with you every day, even if it’s hard much of the time. When you cry seemingly all day or wake for the tenth time at night. That’s hard. But our experience is so much more than that. This shift in mindset has been my biggest transformation as a mother so far, and I wish it would have come sooner. How different the early days would have been if I thought it a privilege rather than a burden than you needed me all of the time. Well, now I know. And it’s an honor to be here for you, always.