Endless Winter (39 Weeks)

My mind refuses to concentrate on much other than very basic things it seems. I like to think it’s pruning. My basic needs, sleep and eating, seem to be the biggest priority. I have turned my phone off many days, desperate for less distraction. I’m told this is normal at this point. Thirty-nine weeks. I sit in awe over this number as Baby continues to wiggle and drop into position for the big day.

The temperature refuses to rise, another reminder of the things I have no control over… when the air will warm and winter will turn to spring; when our baby will come. So we simply wait… fire roaring for too many days to count and bundling myself up in layers upon layers to cover the belly my jacket won’t fit over and forcing myself outside on the rare blue bird day. Sometimes, the cabin fever seems essential. We’re forced to slow down and to tend to the around-the-house preparation. We can simply revel in just being together, just us two, for the last time for a while. I am overwhelmed at times with how much gratitude and love, adoration really, I feel for this husband of mine. It’s startling sometimes that our baby could be here at any moment. Our excitement is tangible!

39 weeks pregnant
39 weeks pregnant

As I near the end, I think about how pregnancy has surprised me in so many ways, for the better almost always. I am indeed one of those people who has loved being pregnant. Throughout the whole journey I’ve been  continuously surprised by how normal it all feels, in addition to being absolutely miraculous. I thought I would obsess more, plan more, be all-consumed by milestones and the like. But, I haven’t been. I think early on I swallowed the belief that my body will do what it needs to without any effort by me. The baby grows, I grow. And the rest of life goes on as usual. I trust myself to listen to my body and my baby on what I should and shouldn’t do. I believe wholeheartedly in my ability to birth our baby, because why would I not? We were born for this. That doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous. I’m nervous. I get that glazed look and Luke knows what I’m thinking about, knowing that all there is to do is hug me and tell me it’s all going to be OK.

To my fellow pregnant mama friends I say there is no normal. Feel what you feel, experience this ride as you will experience it. Read all the books and go to all the classes or don’t. Design a nursery and stock it with baby goods or don’t. It’s up to you. The best piece of advice I can give is let this be your journey, no one else’s. If words from others discourage you instead of building you up, dismiss them. This is a time where you deserve nothing but support and encouragement and to be met where you are. No matter how it unfolds, it is the story of  your baby’s birth… and your rebirth, really. And for that reason, it will be extraordinary.



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