In a couple of days I’ll be celebrating me, celebrating ‘my day’. I’ll tell you what, I’m excited. Mostly because for the first time in my life I look in the mirror and I wholly and genuinely love the person looking back at me to her very core. That is something very special to celebrate.
This from the woman that has been told by too many that she’s too hard on herself. The one who was known to over-analyze and beat herself up over the words that came out of her mouth and entered the ears of others? The very same. After years following a journey of anxiety and frustration, bouts with depression and myself, I’m free. God, I feel so fortunate to finally be at peace with myself.
I approached this year with a commitment to love myself and just be. I needed time to rehabilitate and experience joy, to get to know myself again, more intimately than before, and nurture that person. I familiarized myself with the idea and feeling of enough.
I stopped the nonsensical, perpetual idea of wishing myself to be smarter, wealthier, more beautiful or social, and loved the person that I am. And you know what?
I realized this year the person I want to be, what it is I want to stand for, what I want to feel and experience and who I want present for it all. I find it remarkable how much this person has evolved.
I learned to approach every situation, every person, including myself, with love, honesty, and grace. That’s it. Love.Honest.Grace. That is the formula for happiness, the holy trinity that graces my neck and kissed and wished upon at any sign of trouble. And if that doesn’t work, say “fuck you” to jealousy, greed, and hate. When have you ever bettered your life or that of the ones you love or yourself as a person by embodying any or all of those toxic ideas?
Six months ago on the twentieth day of the third month of the year I wrote a list of nine goals, nine things I was confused about or ideas I found it hard to translate into action. I pulled them up the other night and found such joy in the fact that I was able to come up with one concrete action I took in reaching each and every one. I’m proud of myself. Most shaped me into an individual, one somewhat different from the rest even if not immediately recognizable.
There is one, though, that I’m still kicking around, still trying to figure out I will challenge fear. This is the one, you know. The one that keeps me from so much if I let it. But I won’t, at least I’ll try not to. I’ll hold that ‘trinity’ tight and confront those situations that invoke fear knowing only then will I truly practice what I preach and be the very person I have discovered I can be.
So this Friday is my day and I’ll celebrate me. I took the day off for good measure because you know what? Why not! It’s my day, and the only decision I will be making is what time to switch from coffee to champagne.
here’s to you, 26…you have a tough act to follow.